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Investment Banks switch status to ‘Casinos’
Two of the world’s largest and most respected financial institutions have been granted permission to switch their status from investment banks to super-casinos, offering customers the chance to put...
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Struggling banks to take in laundry
As the bad financial news continues, the City was rife with reports that many banks have now turned to offering laundry services as one of a number of plans to help bring in that extra bit of cash....
View ArticleCity bankers complain 50 pc tax rate penalises them for reckless gambling ‘as...
‘Why do we have to pay extra taxes because of our reckless gambling?’ asked a furious a city worker yesterday. It’s almost as if we’re being punished for reckless speculation, he argued. City sources...
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Lepers ‘still excluded from top jobs’ survey finds
A survey of the banking and accountancy industries has revealed that despite equal opportunities legislation forbidding discrimination on grounds of gender, race, religion or leprosy, the leper...
View ArticleGrateful nation honours bankers with well-deserved day off
Ceremonies have been taking place across the United Kingdom to mark the August Bank Holiday, commemorating the hard work and sacrifice of the nation’s bankers and other financial sector workers who are...
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Man outsources own life
In response to the bleak economic outlook for 2011, 39-year-old Barry Nugent of Canvey Island has taken the radical step of outsourcing much of his everyday existence in a bid to significantly reduce...
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Scientists hail first sighting of elusive bankers’ morals
Jubilant scientists in CERN have confirmed the first known sighting of the infinitesimally small ‘collective conscience of the bankers’, after a hunt lasting many years. ‘We knew one banker, somewhere,...
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RBS ‘regrets’ investing in financial software from Fisher-Price
RBS executives have acknowledged that purchasing their software and systems from Fisher-Price may have been a cost-cutting exercise too far. Fisher-Price, better known for developing toys than...
View ArticleRoyal Bank of Scotland to be sold to Betfred.com
Royal Bank of Scotland, 65% owned by UK taxpayers, is to be sold to the online gambling organisation Betfred.com, it has been announced. The exact details of the deal are yet to be revealed, but it is...
View ArticleChristians ‘less likely to work in finance’
A survey of 4,000 people has revealed that Christians are less likely than the average adult to work in finance. Whilst the news will come as no surprise to the majority of sensible people, there are...
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